public, and unaccustomed as I am to--to--ahem. Ladies and Gentlemen, I
think our opponents are altogether wrong in arguing that Napoleon was a
greater general than Wellington--ahem--I ask you, Mr. President, did
Napoleon ever thrash Wellington? Didn't Wellington always thrash him,
Mr. President? Didn't he whip him at Waterloo and take him prisoner? and
then to say that he is a greater general than Wellington--why, Mr.
President, he couldn't hold a candle to him. Ladies and Gentlemen, I say
that Napoleon wasn't a match for him at all. Wellington licked him every
time--and--yes, licked him every time. I can't think of any more, Mr.
President, and I will take my seat, Sir, by saying that I'm sure you
will decide in our favour from the strong arguments our side has
produced."

After listening to such powerful reasoning, some one of the older
spectators would ask Mr. President to be allowed to say a few words on
some other important question to be debated, and would proceed to air
his eloquence and instruct the youth on such a topic as this: "Which is
the greater evil, a scolding wife or a smoky chimney?" After this wise
the harangue would proceed:--"Mr. President, I have been almost mad a-
listening to the debates of these 'ere youngsters--they don't know
nothing at all about the subject. What do they know about the evil of a
scolding wife? Wait till they have had one for twenty years, and been
hammered, and jammed, and slammed, all the while. Wait till they've been
scolded because the baby cried, because the fire wouldn't burn, because
the room was too hot, because the cow kicked over the milk, because it
rained, because the sun shined, because the hens didn't lay, because the
butter wouldn't come, because the old cat had kittens, because they came
too soon for dinner, because they were a minute late--before they talk
about the worry of a scolding wife. Why Mr. President, I'd rather hear
the clatter of hammers and stones and twenty tin pans, and nine brass