And truly I will not be sure that I would not now feel, should I
encourage myself, some of the old-time fear which that woman and man
inspired in me; they were for some time at the head of the list of my
childhood terrors, and for very long they led the procession of visions
and bad dreams.

Many gloomy apparitions haunted the first years of my life which
otherwise were so uncommonly sweet. I was especially addicted to
indulging in sad reflections at nightfall; I had impressions of my
career being cut short by an early death. Too carefully sheltered and
protected at this period, and yet in some measure forced mentally, I may
be likened to a flower that lacks color and vitality because it has been
raised in an unwholesome atmosphere. I should have been surrounded by
hardy, mischievous, noisy playmates of my own age and sex, but instead
of that I played only with gentle little girls. I was always careful and
precise in my manners, and my curled hair and sedate bearing gave me the
appearance of a little eighteenth century nobleman.




CHAPTER XIX.



After that long fever, the very name of which has a sinister sound, I
recall the delight I felt when they allowed me to go out into the air,
when I was permitted to go down into our beloved yard. The day chosen
for my first airing was a radiantly beautiful and clear morning in
April. Seated under the bower of jasmine and honeysuckle I felt as if