keen and bluff common sense, cannily expressed in the words of an old
sea-captain whom Mark Twain had known intimately. It is only another
link in the chain of evidence which goes to prove that Mark Twain had
thought long and deeply upon the problematical nature of a future life.
It is, in essence, a _reductio ad absurdum_ of those professors of
religion who still preach a heaven of golden streets and pearly gates, of
idleness and everlasting psalm-singing, of restful and innocuous bliss.
Mark Twain wanted to point out the absurdity of taking the allegories and
the figurative language of the Bible literally. Of course everybody
called for a harp and a halo as soon as they reached heaven. They were
given the harps and halos--indeed nothing harmless and reasonable was
refused them. But they found these things the merest accessories. Mark
Twain's heaven was just the busiest place imaginable. There weren't any
idle people there after the first day. The old sea captain pointed out
that singing hymns and waving palm branches through all eternity was all
very pretty when you heard about it from the pulpit, but that it was a
mighty poor way to put in valuable time. He took no stock in a heaven of
warbling ignoramuses. He found that Eternal Rest, reduced to hard pan,
was not as comforting as it sounds in the pulpit. Heaven is the merited
reward of service; and the opportunities for service were infinite. As
he said, you've got to earn a thing square and honest before you can
enjoy it. To Mark, this was "about the sensiblest heaven" he had ever
heard of. He mourned a little over the discovery that what a man mostly
missed in heaven was company. But he rejoiced in the information
vouchsafed by his friend the Captain--a valuable piece of information
that leaves him, and all who are so fortunate as to hear it, the better
for the knowledge--that happiness isn't a thing in itself, but only a
contrast with something that isn't pleasant! This view of heaven, seen
through the temperament of a humorist and a philosopher, is provocative
and thought-compelling more than it is amusing or ludicrous. I think it