incomparable, the purity of our conjugal life stainless. I thought thus,
and all the time I marvelled at the nobility of my projects.

"At the same time, I passed ten years of my adult life without hurrying
toward marriage, and I led what I called the well-regulated and
reasonable life of a bachelor. I was proud of it before my friends,
and before all men of my age who abandoned themselves to all sorts of
special refinements. I was not a seducer, I had no unnatural tastes,
I did not make debauchery the principal object of my life; but I found
pleasure within the limits of society's rules, and innocently believed
myself a profoundly moral being. The women with whom I had relations did
not belong to me alone, and I asked of them nothing but the pleasure of
the moment.

"In all this I saw nothing abnormal. On the contrary, from the fact
that I did not engage my heart, but paid in cash, I supposed that I was
honest. I avoided those women who, by attaching themselves to me, or
presenting me with a child, could bind my future. Moreover, perhaps
there may have been children or attachments; but I so arranged matters
that I could not become aware of them.

"And living thus, I considered myself a perfectly honest man. I did not
understand that debauchery does not consist simply in physical
acts, that no matter what physical ignominy does not yet constitute
debauchery, and that real debauchery consists in freedom from the moral
bonds toward a woman with whom one enters into carnal relations, and I
regarded THIS FREEDOM as a merit. I remember that I once tortured myself
exceedingly for having forgotten to pay a woman who probably had given
herself to me through love. I only became tranquil again when, having
sent her the money, I had thus shown her that I did not consider myself