then reconciliation! Not reconciliation; internally each kept the hatred
for the other, but it was absolutely necessary for the moment to end
the scene in some way, and life began again as before. These scenes, and
even worse, came now once a week, now every month, now every day. And
invariably the same incidents. Once I was absolutely resolved to fly,
but through some inconceivable weakness I remained.

"Such were the circumstances in which we were living when the MAN came.
The man was bad, it is true. But what! No worse than we were."



CHAPTER XXI.

"When we moved to Moscow, this gentleman--his name was
Troukhatchevsky--came to my house. It was in the morning. I received
him. In former times we had been very familiar. He tried, by various
advances, to re-establish the familiarity, but I was determined to keep
him at a distance, and soon he gave it up. He displeased me extremely.
At the first glance I saw that he was a filthy debauche. I was jealous
of him, even before he had seen my wife. But, strange thing! some occult
fatal power kept me from repulsing him and sending him away, and, on
the contrary, induced me to suffer this approach. What could have been
simpler than to talk with him a few minutes, and then dismiss him coldly
without introducing him to my wife? But no, as if on purpose, I turned
the conversation upon his skill as a violinist, and he answered that,
contrary to what I had heard, he now played the violin more than
formerly. He remembered that I used to play. I answered that I had
abandoned music, but that my wife played very well.