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Memoir of Fleeming Jenkin by Robert Louis Stevenson
page 61 of 184 (33%)
step, not blindly but with critical discrimination; not in the
fashion of Romeo, but before he was done, with all Romeo's ardour
and more than Romeo's faith. The high favour to which he presently
rose in the esteem of Alfred Austin and his wife, might well give
him ambitious notions; but the poverty of the present and the
obscurity of the future were there to give him pause; and when his
aspirations began to settle round Miss Austin, he tasted, perhaps
for the only time in his life, the pangs of diffidence. There was
indeed opening before him a wide door of hope. He had changed into
the service of Messrs. Liddell & Gordon; these gentlemen had begun
to dabble in the new field of marine telegraphy; and Fleeming was
already face to face with his life's work. That impotent sense of
his own value, as of a ship aground, which makes one of the agonies
of youth, began to fall from him. New problems which he was
endowed to solve, vistas of new enquiry which he was fitted to
explore, opened before him continually. His gifts had found their
avenue and goal. And with this pleasure of effective exercise,
there must have sprung up at once the hope of what is called by the
world success. But from these low beginnings, it was a far look
upward to Miss Austin: the favour of the loved one seems always
more than problematical to any lover; the consent of parents must
be always more than doubtful to a young man with a small salary and
no capital except capacity and hope. But Fleeming was not the lad
to lose any good thing for the lack of trial; and at length, in the
autumn of 1857, this boyish-sized, boyish-mannered, and
superlatively ill-dressed young engineer, entered the house of the
Austins, with such sinkings as we may fancy, and asked leave to pay
his addresses to the daughter. Mrs. Austin already loved him like
a son, she was but too glad to give him her consent; Mr. Austin
reserved the right to inquire into his character; from neither was
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