Standing on the steps at the entrance to one of the grand hotels at
Saratoga, a young gentleman, in whom the "dude" species was strongly
developed, had been listening with eager attention to the bright things
which fell from the lips of the well-known wit and orator, Emory A. Storrs.

At last our exquisite exclaimed: "Er--Mr. Storrs,--I--er--wish, oh! how
I--er--_wish_! that I had your--er--cheek."

Mr. Storrs instantly annihilated him with: "It is a most fortunate
dispensation of Providence that you have not. For, _with my cheek and
your brains_, you would be kicked down these steps in no time!"


72. INCORRIGIBLE NEIGHBOR

A lady in California had a troublesome neighbor, whose cattle overrun her
ranch, causing much damage. The lady bore the annoyance patiently, hoping
that some compunction would be felt for the damage inflicted. At last she
caught a calf which was making havoc in her garden, and sent it home with a
child, saying, "Tell Mrs. A. that the calf has eaten nearly everything in
the garden, and I have scarcely a cabbage left."

The feelings of the injured lady may be imagined when she received this
reply: "The cabbage nearly all eaten! Well, I must get over and borrow some
before it is all gone!"


73. DISGUSTED OFFICER

Some years since a party of Indians drove off all the live-stock at Fort