[The equivocal use of words in our language.]

Recently a west-bound train on the Fitchburg (Mass.) Railroad had just left
the town of Athol When the conductor noticed among the new passengers a
young man of intelligent appearance. He asked for the young man's fare, and
the latter handed him a ticket to Miller's Falls and with it a cent. For a
moment the conductor suspected a joke, but a look at the passenger's face
convinced him to the contrary.

"What is this cent for?" the conductor asked.

"Why, I see," answered the young fellow, "that the ticket isn't good unless
it is stamped, and as I don't happen to have a stamp with me I give you the
cent instead. You can put it on, can't you?"

The good-natured conductor handed back the coin with a smile, remarking
that it was a small matter, and he would see that it was all right.


21. USELESS REGRET

[Persons who pretend to regret something without making a real effort to
better it are hit off by this anecdote.]

A father called his son rather late in the morning, and finding him still
abed, indignantly demanded: "Are you not _ashamed_ to be caught asleep
this time of day?"

"Yes, rather," returned the ingenious youth, "but I'd ruther _be