given to man what it was in the power of circumstance alone (which I
could control not) to make his enlightener or his ruin--his blessing or
his curse. Yes, I loved--I love still;--could I live for ever, I should
for ever love knowledge! It is a companion--a solace--a pursuit--a
Lethe. But, no more!--oh! never more for me was the bright ambition that
makes knowledge a means, not end. As, contrary to the vulgar notion, the
bee is said to gather her honey unprescient of the winter, labouring
without a motive, save the labour, I went on, year after year, hiving all
that the earth presented to my toils, and asking not to what use. I had
rushed into a dread world, that I might indulge a dream. Lo! the dream
was fled; but I could not retrace my steps.

"Rest now became to me the sole to kalon--the sole charm of existence. I
grew enamoured of the doctrine of those old mystics, who have placed
happiness only in an even and balanced quietude. And where but in utter
loneliness was that quietude to be enjoyed? I no longer wondered that men
in former times, when consumed by the recollection of some haunting
guilt, fled to the desert and became hermits. Tranquillity and Solitude
are the only soothers of a memory deeply troubled--light griefs fly to
the crowd--fierce thoughts must battle themselves to rest. Many years had
flown, and I had made my home in many places. All that was turbulent, if
not all that was unquiet, in my recollections, had died away. Time had
lulled me into a sense of security. I breathed more freely. I sometimes
stole from the past. Since I had quitted Knaresbro' chance had thrown it
in my power frequently to serve my brethren--not by wisdom, but by
charity or courage--by individual acts that it soothed me to remember. If
the grand aim of enlightening a world was gone--if to so enlarged a
benevolence had succeeded apathy or despair, still the man, the human
man, clung to my heart--still was I as prone to pity--as prompt to
defend--as glad to cheer, whenever the vicissitudes of life afforded me