the Church. Wishing, betimes, to instruct myself in its ceremonies, I
persuaded my schoolmaster's maidservant to assist me towards promoting a
christening. My father did not like this premature love for the sacred
rites. He took me home; and wishing to give my clerical ardour a
different turn, prepared me for writing sermons by reading me a dozen a
day. I grew tired of this, strange as it may seem to you. 'Father,'
said I, one morning, 'it is no use talking; I will not go into the
Church,--that's positive. Give me your blessing and a hundred pounds,
and I'll go up to London and get a living instead of a curacy.' My
father stormed; but I got the better at last. I talked of becoming a
private tutor; swore I had heard nothing was so easy,--the only things
wanted were pupils; and the only way to get them was to go to London and
let my learning be known. My poor father,--well, he's gone, and I am
glad of it now!" The speaker's voice faltered. "I got the better, I
say, and I came to town, where I had a relation a bookseller. Through
his interest, I wrote a book of Travels in Ethiopia for an earl's son,
who wanted to become a lion; and a Treatise on the Greek Particle,
dedicated to the prime minister, for a dean, who wanted to become a
bishop,--Greek being, next to interest, the best road to the mitre.
These two achievements were liberally paid; so I took a lodging in a
first floor, and resolved to make a bold stroke for a wife. What do you
think I did?--nay, never guess; it would be hopeless. First, I went to
the best tailor, and had my clothes sewn on my back; secondly, I got the
peerage and its genealogies by heart; thirdly, I marched one night, with
the coolest deliberation possible, into the house of a duchess, who was
giving an immense rout! The newspapers had inspired me with this idea.
I had read of the vast crowds which a lady 'at home' sought to win to her
house. I had read of staircases impassable, and ladies carried out in a
fit; and common-sense told me how impossible it was that the fair
receiver should be acquainted with the legality of every importation.