genius without an equal in the literature of Europe. Meanwhile the
ardour I had put into study, and the wear and tear of the emotions which
the study called forth, made themselves felt in a return of my former
illness, with symptoms still more alarming; and when the year was out I
was ordained to rest for perhaps another year before I could sing in
public, still less appear on the stage. How I rejoiced when I heard that
fiat! for I emerged from that year of study with a heart utterly
estranged from the profession in which I had centred my hopes before--
Yes, Eulalie, you had bid me accomplish myself for the arts of utterance;
by the study of arts in which thoughts originate the words they employ;
and in doing so I had changed myself into another being. I was forbidden
all fatigue of mind: my books were banished, but not the new self which
the books had formed. Recovering slowly through the summer, I came
hither two months since, ostensibly for the advice of Dr. C-------, but
really in the desire to commune with my own heart and be still.

And now I have poured forth that heart to you, would you persuade me
still to be a singer? If you do, remember at least how jealous and
absorbing the art of the singer and the actress is,--how completely I
must surrender myself to it, and live among books or among dreams no
more. Can I be anything else but singer? and if not, should I be
contented merely to read and to dream?

I must confide to you one ambition which during the lazy Italian summer
took possession of me; I must tell you the ambition, and add that I have
renounced it as a vain one. I had hoped that I could compose, I mean in
music. I was pleased with some things I did: they expressed in music
what I could not express in words; and one secret object in coming here
was to submit them to the great Maestro. He listened to them patiently:
he complimented me on my accuracy in the mechanical laws of composition;