--'What in natur are you a scoldin' for?' sais I: 'that
won't mend the matter; how's time? They must soon be a
stirrin' now, I guess.' Well, as I am a livin' sinner,
it was only five o'clock; 'oh dear,' sais I, 'time is
like women and pigs the more you want it to go, the more
it won't. What on airth shall I do?--guess, I'll strap
my rasor.'

"Well, I strapped and strapped away, until it would cut
a single hair pulled strait up on eend out o' your head,
without bendin' it--take it off slick. 'Now,' sais I,
'I'll mend my trowsers I tore, a goin' to see the ruin
on the road yesterday; so I takes out Sister Sall's little
needle-case, and sows away till I got them to look
considerable jam agin; 'and then,' sais I, 'here's a
gallus button off, I'll jist fix that,' and when that
was done, there was a hole to my yarn sock, so I turned
too and darned that.

"'Now,' sais I, 'how goes it? I'm considerable sharp set.
It must be gettin' tolerable late now.' It wanted a
quarter to six. 'My! sakes,' sais I, 'five hours and a
quarter yet afore feedin' time; well if that don't pass.
What shall I do next?' 'I'll tell you what to do,' sais
I, 'smoke, that will take the edge of your appetite off,
and if they don't like it, they may lump it; what business
have they to keep them horrid screetchin' infarnal,
sleepless rooks to disturb people that way?' Well, I
takes a lucifer, and lights a cigar, and I puts my head up
the chimbly to let the smoke off, and it felt good, I