his pocket, a plaguy sight quicker than it will walk out,
I guess.

"Sais I, 'Friend, you've taken the consait out of me
properly. Captain Hall said there warn't a man, woman,
or child, in the whole of the thirteen united univarsal
worlds of our great Republic, that could speak pure
English, and I was a goin' to kick him for it; but he is
right, arter all. There ain't one livin' soul on us can;
I don't believe they ever as much as heerd it, for I
never did, till this blessed day, and there are few things
I haven't either see'd, or heern tell of. Yes, we can't
speak English, do you take?' 'Dim comrag,' sais he, which
in Yankee, means, "that's no English," and he stood,
looked puzzled, and scratched his head, rael hansum, 'Dim
comrag,' sais he.

"Well, it made me larf spiteful. I felt kinder wicked,
and as _I_ had a hat on, and I couldn't scratch my head,
I stood jist like him, clown fashion, with my eyes
wanderin' and my mouth wide open, and put my hand behind
me, and scratched there; and I stared, and looked puzzled
too, and made the same identical vacant face he did, and
repeated arter him slowly, with another scratch, mocking
him like, 'Dim comrag.'

"Such a pair o' fools you never saw, Squire, since the
last time you shaved afore a lookin' glass; and the stable
boys larfed, and he larfed, and I larfed, and it was the
only larf I had all that juicy day.