another gets all covered with grease, a third loses his
hat, a fourth gets run away with by his horse, a fifth
sees he can't do it, makes some excuse, and leaves the
ground afore the sport is over; and now and then, an
unfortunate critter gets a hyste that breaks his own
neck. There is only one on 'em that I have see'd out
there, that can do it right.

"It requires some experience, that's a fact. But let John
Bull alone for that; he is a critter that thinks he knows
every thing; and if you told him he didn't, he wouldn't
believe you, not he. He'd only pity your ignorance, and
look dreadful sorry for you. Oh if you want to see high
life, come and see "a colonial gander pulling."

"'Tying up a goose, Sir, is no great harm,' sais I,
'seein' that a goose was made to be killed, picked and
devoured, and nothin' else. Tyin' up a colonist by the
heels is another thing. I don't think it right; but I
don't know nothin'; I've had the book too close to my
eyes. Joe H--e, that never was there, can tell you twice
as much as I can about the colonies. The focus to see
right, as I said afore, is three thousand miles off.'

"'Well,' sais he, 'that's a capital illustration, Mr.
Slick. There is more in that than meets the ear. Don't
tell me you don't know nothin' about the colonies; few
men know so much as you do. I wish to heavens you was a
colonist,' sais he; 'if you were, I would offer you a
government.'