has no substance in it; it's nothin' but red ink, that's
a fact. Well, how it was I don't know, but so it
eventuated, that about daylight he was mops and brooms,
and began to talk somethin' or another he hadn't ought
to; somethin' he didn't know himself, and somethin' he
didn't mean, and didn't remember.

"Faith, next mornin' he was booked; and the first thing
he see'd when he waked was another man a tryin' on of
his shoes, to see how they'd fit to march to the head of
his regiment with. Fact, I assure you, and a fact too
that shows what Englishmen has come to; I despise 'em,
I hate 'em, I scorn such critters as I do oncarcumcised
niggers."

"What a strange perversion of facts," I replied.

But he would admit of no explanation. "Oh yes, quite
parvarted; not a word of truth in it; there never is when
England is consarned. There is no beam in an Englishman's
eye; no not a smell of one; he has pulled it out long
ago; that's the reason he can see the mote in other
folks's so plain. Oh, of course it ain't true; it's a
Yankee invention; it's a hickory ham and a wooden nutmeg.

"Well, then, there was another feller got bagged t'other
day, as innocent as could be, for givin' his opinion when
folks was a talkin' about matters and things in gineral,
and this here one in partikilar. I can't tell the words,
for I don't know 'em, nor care about 'em; and if I did,