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The Attaché; or, Sam Slick in England — Complete by Thomas Chandler Haliburton
page 65 of 362 (17%)
he'd off cap, touch the deck three times with his forehead,
and '_Slam_' like a Turk to his Honour the Skipper.

"There's plenty of civility here to England if you pay
for it: you can buy as much in five minits, as will make
you sick for a week; but if you don't pay for it, you
not only won't get it, but you get sarce instead of it,
that is if you are fool enough to stand and have it rubbed
in. They are as cold as Presbyterian charity, and mean
enough to put the sun in eclipse, are the English. They
hante set up the brazen image here to worship, but they've
got a gold one, and that they do adore and no mistake;
it's all pay, pay, pay; parquisite, parquisite, parquisite;
extortion, extortion, extortion. There is a whole pack
of yelpin' devils to your heels here, for everlastinly
a cringin', fawnin' and coaxin', or snarlin', grumblin'
or bullyin' you out of your money. There's the boatman,
and tide-waiter, and porter, and custom-er, and truck
man as soon as you land; and the sarvant-man, and
chamber-gall, and boots, and porter again to the inn.
And then on the road, there is trunk-lifter, and coachman,
and guard, and beggar-man, and a critter that opens the
coach door, that they calls a waterman, cause he is
infarnal dirty, and never sees water. They are jist like
a snarl o' snakes, their name is legion and there ain't
no eend to 'em.

"The only thing you get for nothin' here is rain and
smoke, the rumatiz, and scorny airs. If you could buy an
Englishman at what he was worth, and sell him at his own
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