Fan : the story of a young girl's life by W. H. (William Henry) Hudson
page 153 of 610 (25%)
page 153 of 610 (25%)
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those of a serpent. And at intervals, as she moved about the room, she
clenched her hands with such energy that the nails wounded her palms. And from time to time her rage would rise to a kind of frenzy, and find expression in a voice strangely harsh and unnatural, deeper than a man's, and then suddenly rising to a shrill piercing key that startled Fan and made her tremble. Poor Fan! that little burst of transitory anger she had experienced in the Gardens seemed now only a pitifully weak exhibition compared with the black tempest raging in this strong, undisciplined woman's soul. "And I have loved him--loved that hell-hound! God! shall I ever cease to despise and loathe myself for sinking into such a depth of infamy! Never --never--until his viper head has been crushed under my heel! To strike! to crush! to torture! How?--have I no mind to think? Nothing can I do-- nothing--nothing! Are there no means? Ah, how sweet to scorch the skin and make the handsome face loathsome to look at! To burn the eyes up in their sockets--to shut up the soul for ever in thick blackness!... Oh, is there no wise theologian who can prove to me that there is a hell, that he will be chained there and tortured everlastingly! That would satisfy me--to remember it would be sweeter than Heaven." Suddenly she turned in a kind of fury on Fan, who had risen trembling from her seat. "Sit down!" she said. "Hide your miserable white face from my sight! You could have warned me in time, you could have saved me from this, and you failed to do it! Oh, I could strike you dead with my hand for your imbecile cowardice!... And he will escape me! To blast his name, to hold him up to public scorn and hatred, years of imprisonment in a felon's cell--all, all the suffering we can inflict on such a fiendish wretch seems weak and childish, and could give no comfort to my soul. Oh, it drives me mad to think of it--I shall go mad--I shall go mad!" And |
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