sanctity implied in this, forbears to wash himself or his clothes.
This man is clever, officious, familiar, servile, and very fond of
the position of umbrella-bearer in ordinary to your person:
therefore, transfer him to the personal staff of some native
dignitary, where he will be appreciated. If my model does not suit
you, there are many types to choose from. We have the lofty and
sonorous Purdaisee, the Rajpoot, son of kings, the Bhundaree, or
hereditary climber of palm trees, the Israelite, the low caste,
useful, intelligent Mahar, and many more. Even the Brahmin in this
iron age becomes a Chupprassee. But three-fourths of all our belted
satellites come from one little district south of Bombay, known to
our fathers as Rutnagherry, re-christened Ratnagiri by the Hon. W. W.
Hunter, C.I.E., A.B.C., D.E.F., etc. Every country has its own
special products; the Malabar Coast sends us cocoanuts and pepper;
artichokes come from Jerusalem; ducks, lace, cooks, and fiddlers from
Goa. So Rutnagherry produces pineapples and Mahrattas, and the
Mahrattas do not eat the pineapples. Till quite recently they
employed themselves exterminating each other, burning each other's
villages and crops, and inventing new ways of torturing old men to
make them confess where their money was buried. We have stopped
these practices without stopping the religious arrangements for
keeping up the supply of the race; so the Mahratta marries, as in
duty bound, and multiplies, and then casts about for some way of
maintaining his growing family; and our Chupprassee system, looked at
politically, is a grand escape pipe. Pandurang Huree gives the
Mahrattas the palm, as liars, over all the other races of India. He
may be right, but where excellence is so universal, comparison
becomes doubly odious. Some Mahrattas put rao after their names and
treat themselves with much respect, especially if they can grow a
little island of whisker on each cheek and run the moustache into it.