THE TRANSVAAL


"It looks like war," said Mr. Hennessy, who had been glancing at the
flaming head-lines of an evening paper over Mr. Dooley's shoulder.

"It always does," said Mr. Dooley. "Since th' Czar iv Rooshia
inthrajooced his no-fight risolution, they'se been no chanst that they
wudden't be ructious."

"An' what's it all about?" demanded Mr. Hennessy. "I can't make head nor
tail iv it at all, at all."

"Well ye see 'tis this way," said Mr. Dooley. "Ye see th' Boers is a
simple, pasthral people that goes about their business in their own way,
raisin' hell with ivrybody. They was bor-rn with an aversion to society
an' whin th' English come they lit out befure thim, not likin' their
looks. Th' English kept comin' an' the Boers kept movin' till they
cudden't move anny further without bumpin' into th' Soodanese ar-rmy an'
thin they settled down an' says they, 'This far shall we go,' says they,
bein' a rellijous people, 'an' divvle th' sthep further.' An' they
killed off th' irrelijous naygurs an' started in f'r to raise cattle.
An' at night they'd set outside iv their dorps, which, Hinnissy, is
Dutch f'r two-story brick house an' lot, an' sip their la-ager an' swap
horses an' match texts fr'm th' Bible f'r th' seegars, while th' childer
played marbles with dimons as big as th' end iv ye'er thumb.

"Well, th' English heerd they was goold be th' bucket in ivry cellar
fr'm Oopencoff to Doozledorf, which, Hinnissy, is like New York an' San