WAR AND WAR MAKERS


"I tell ye, Hinnissy," said Mr. Dooley, "Ye can't do th' English-
speakin' people. Oursilves an' th' hands acrost th' sea ar-re rapidly
teachin' th' benighted Lutheryan an' other haythin that as a race we're
onvincible an' oncatcheable. Th' Anglo-Saxon race meetin's now going on
in th' Ph'lippeens an' South Africa ought to convince annywan that give
us a fair start an' we can bate th' wurruld to a tillygraft office.

"Th' war our cousins be Sir Thomas Lipton is prosecutin', as Hogan says,
again th' foul but accrate Boers is doin' more thin that. It's givin' us
a common war lithrachoor. I wudden't believe at first whin I r-read th'
dispatches in th' pa-apers that me frind Gin'ral Otis wasn't in South
Africa. It was on'y whin I see another chapter iv his justly cillybrated
seeryal story, intitled 'Th' Capture iv Porac' that I knew he had an
imitator in th' mother counthry. An' be hivins, I like th' English la-
ad's style almost as well as our own gr-reat artist's. Mebbe'tis, as th'
pa-apers say, that Otis has writ himsilf out. Annyhow th' las' chapter
isn't thrillin'. He says: 'To-day th' ar-rmy undher my command fell upon
th' inimy with gr-reat slaughter an' seized th' important town of Porac
which I have mintioned befure, but,' he says, 'we ar-re fortunately now
safe in Manila.' Ye see he doesn't keep up th' intherest to th' end. Th'
English pote does betther."

"'Las' night at eight o'clock,' he says, 'we found our slendher but
inthrepid ar-rmy surrounded be wan hundhred thousan' Boers,' he says.
'We attackted thim with gr-reat fury,' he says, 'pursuin' thim up th'