"All this, Hinnissy, comes fr'm dhreamin' dhreams. If th' British had
said, 'This unclean an' raypeecious people that we're against is also
very tough. Dirty though they be, they'll fight. Foul though their
nature is, they have ca'tridges in their belts. This not bein' England
an' th' inimy we have again us not bein' our frinds, we will f'rget th'
gloryous thraditions iv th' English an' Soudan ar-rmies an' instead iv
r-rushin' on thim sneak along yon kindly fence an' hit thim on th' back
iv th' neck,'--they'd be less, 'I r-regret-to-states' and more 'I'm
plazed-to-reports.' They wud so, an' I'm a man that's been through
columns an' columns iv war. Ye'll find, Hinnissy, that 'tis on'y ar-
rmies fights in th' open. Nations fights behind threes an' rocks. Ye can
put that in ye're little book. 'Tis a sayin' I made as I wint along."

"We done th' same way oursilves," said Mr. Hennessy.

"We did that," said Mr. Dooley. "We were in a dhream, too. Th' on'y
thing is th' other fellow was in a thrance. We woke up first. An' anny-
how I'm goin' to apologize to Shafter. He may not have anny medals f'r
standin' up in range iv th' guns but, be hivins, he niver dhrove his
buckboard into a river occypied be th' formerly loathed Castile."




THE WAR EXPERT


Mr. Dooley was reading the war news--not our war news but the war news
we are interested in--when Mr. Hennessy interrupted him to ask "What's a
war expert?"