have a hearin',' an' they got wan. Ivrybody's listenin' to thim. But no
wan replies. If they'd come here three months ago, befure Crownjoy was
suffocated out iv his hole in th' groun', they'd be smokin' their pipes
in rockin' chairs on th' veranda iv th' white house an' passin' th'
bucket between thim an' Mack. But 'tis diff'rent now. 'Tis diff'rent
now. Says Willum J. Bryan: 'I can't see thim mesilf, f'r it may not be
long befure I'll have to dale with these inthricate problems, I hope an'
pray, but Congressman Squirtwather, do ye disguise ye'ersilf as a
private citizen an' go down to th' hotel an' tell these la-ads that I'm
with thim quietly if public opinyon justifies it an' Mack takes th'
other side. Tell thim I frequently say to mesilf that they're all r-
right, but I wudden't want it to go further. Perhaps they cud be
injooced to speak at a dimmycratic meetin' unbeknown to me,' he says.

"Sicrety Hay meets thim in a coal cellar, wearin' a mask. 'Gintlemen,'
says he, 'I can assure ye th' prisidint an' mesilf feels mos' deeply f'r
ye. I needn't tell ye about mesilf,' he says. 'Haven't I sint me own son
into ye'er accursed but liberty-lovin' counthry,' he says. 'As f'r Mack,
I assure ye he's hear-rtbroken over th' tur-rn affairs have taken,' he
says. 'Early in th' war he wrote to Lord Salisberry, sayin' he hoped
'twud not be continyued to iliction day, an' Salisberry give him a gruff
response. Tur-rned him down, though both ar-re Anglo-Saxons,' he says.
'Las' night his sobs fairly shook th' white house as he thought iv ye
an' ye'er sthruggle. He wants to tell ye how much he thinks iv ye, an'
he'll meet ye in th' carredge house if ye'll shave off ye'er whiskers
an' go as clam-peddlers. Ye'll reco'nize him in a green livery. He'll
wear a pink carnation in his buttonhole. Give th' names iv Dorsey an'
Flannagan, an' if th' English ambassadure goes by get down on ye'er
ban's an' knees an' don't make a sign till he's out iv sight,' he says.
'Th' stout party in blue near by'll be Mark Hanna. He may be able to