r-read it in a lookin' glass; thin I'll saw it into sthrips an' r-run it
through a wringer an' lave it stand in a tub iv bluein', an' whin its
properly starched I'll find out what it says. Fin'lly I'll cut it into
small pieces an' cook with rice an' lave it to rest in a cool place, an'
thin 'twill r-read even betther. I hope ye're satisfied,' he says. 'I
am,' says Jawn Hay. 'I'll tillygraft to Mark that ivrything is all r-
right,' he says, 'an' that our relations with his majesty or her majesty
or their Boxerships or th' Down-with-th'-foreign-divvlers or whoiver's
runnin' th' shop over beyant are as they ought to be or worse or
betther, as th' case may be,' he says. 'Good,' says Woo, 'ye're a man
afther me own heart,' he says. 'I'll sind ye a little book wrote be a
frind iv mine in Peking,' he says. ''Tis called "Heart to Heart Lies I
Have Had," he says. 'Ye'll like it,' he says. 'In the manetime,' he
says, 'I must write a secret message to go out be to-night's hot-air
express to me corryspondint in Meriden, Connecticut, urgin' him to sind
more im-peeryal edicks iv a fav'r-able nature,' he says. 'I've on'y had
twinty so far, an' I'm gettin' scrivener's palsy,' he says. 'But befure
I go,' he says, 'I bet ye eight millyon yens, or three dollars an'
eighty-four cints iv ye'er money, that ye can't pick out th' shell this
here pea is undher,' he says. An' they set down to a game iv what is
known at Peking as diplomacy, Hinnissy, but on Randolph sthreet viadock
is called the double dirty."

"I don't believe wan wurrud iv what's in th' pa-apers about Chiny," said
Mr. Hennessy.

"Well," said Mr. Dooley, "if ye believe annything ye'll believe
ivrything. 'Tis a grand contist that's goin' on between Westhren an'
Easthren civilliezation. 'Tis a joke iv me own, Hinnissy, an' ye'd
undherstand it if ye knew spellin. Th' Westhren civilization, Hinnissy