'Ye shudden't do lithry wurruk on an empty stomach,' says he. 'I do
nawthin' on an empty stomach but eat,' says I. 'I've had me supper,' I
says. 'Go 'way,' says I, 'till I finish th' platform,' I says. 'What's
th' platform?' says he.'F'r th' county con-vintion,' says I.

"Well, sir, he set down on a chair, an' I thought th' man was goin' to
die right there on the premises with laughter. 'Whin ye get through with
ye'er barkin',' says I, 'I'll throuble ye to tell me what ye may be
doin' it f'r,' I says. 'I see nawthin' amusin' here but ye'er prisince,'
I says, 'an' that's not a divvle iv a lot funnier than a wooden leg,' I
says, f'r I was mad. Afther awhile he come to, an' says he: 'Ye don't
raally think,' says he, 'that ye'll get a chanct to spring that
platform,' he says. 'I do,' says I. 'Why,' he says, 'the platform has
been adopted,' he says. 'Whin?' says I. 'Befure ye were born,' says he.
'In th' reign iv Bildad th' first,' says he--he was a larned man, was
Lafferty, though a dhrinkin' man. All sicreties iv pollyticians not in
office is dhrinkin' men, Hinnissy. 'Ive got th' copy iv it here in me
pocket,' he says. 'Th' boss give it to me to bring it up to date,' he
says. 'They was no sthrike last year an' we've got to put a sthrike
plank in th' platform or put th' prisident iv th' Lumber Shovers' union
on th' county board, an',' he says, 'they ain't room,' he says.

"'Why,' says Lafferty, 'ye ought to know th' histhry iv platforms,' he
says. An' he give it to me, an' I'll give it to ye. Years ago, Hinnissy,
manny years ago, they was a race between th' dimmycrats an' th'
raypublicans f'r to see which shud have a choice iv principles. Th'
dimmycrats lost. I dinnaw why. Mebbe they stopped to take a dhrink.
Annyhow, they lost. Th' raypublicans come up an' they choose th' 'we
commind' principles, an' they was nawthin' left f'r the dimmycrats but
th' 'we denounce an' deplores.' I dinnaw how it come about, but th'