burn, an' wanst in awhile he bur-rns wan. He has a betther job thin
Congressman."

"Th' best a congressman can get is foorth-class postmasther an' a look
in at th' White House on visitin' day. But Hadji, th' pop'lar an'
iloquent sultan iv Sulu an' Bazeen iv th' Ohio iv th' Passyfic, owns his
own palace an' disthributes his own jobs. No man can hold th' office iv
bow-sthringer iv our impeeryal domain without a certy-ficate fr'm Hadji.
From th' highest office in th' land to th' lowest, fr'm th' chief
pizener to th' throne, to th' humblest ixicutioner that puts a lady in a
bag an' dumps her into th' lake in th' Nine Millionth Assimbly district
they look to Hadji Mohammed f'r their places. He is th' High Guy, th'
Main Thing. He's ivrybody. When he quits wurrk th' governmint is over
f'r th' day. An' does annywan thry to interfere with Hadji? Does annywan
say 'Hadji, ye'll have to abandon two or three hundherd iv ye 'er
firesides. Ye ar-re livin' jus' inside th' left field fince iv our
domain an' 'tis a rule iv th' game that we've taken ye into that no wan
shall have more thin wan wife at a time that annywan knows iv. In'
behalf iv th' comity iv th' Society f'r th' Supprission iv Poly-gamy, I
request ye to discard Nora an' Eileen an' Mary Ann an' Sue an' Bimbi an'
th' r-rest iv th' bunch, an' cleave on'y to Lucille. I judge be her
looks that she's th' first Missus Haitch.'

"No, sir. If he did he'd reach th' ship that runs between our outlying
wards without a hair to his head. Instead iv reproachin' Hadji with his
domestic habits, wan iv th' envoys that ar-re imployed in carryin'
messages fr'm th' prisidint to his fellow-citizens, proceeds to th'
pretty little American village iv Sulu, where he finds Hadji settin' up
on a high chair surrounded be wives. 'Tis a domestic scene that'd make
Brigham Young think he was a bachelor. Hadji is smokin' a good seegar