"A resthrant," said Mr. Dooley. "Ye don't know, Hinnissy, that liquor is
food. It is though. Food--an' dhrink. That's what a doctor says in the
pa-apers, an' another doctor wants th' gover'mint to sind tubs iv th'
stuff down to th' Ph'lipeens. He says 'tis almost issintial that people
shud dhrink in thim hot climates. Th' prespiration don't dhry on thim
afther a hard pursoot iv Aggynaldoo an' th' capture iv Gin'ral
Pantaloons de Garshy; they begin to think iv home an' mother sindin'
down th' lawn-sprinkler to be filled with bock, an' they go off
somewhere, an' not bein' able to dhry thimsilves with dhrink, they want
to die. Th' disease is called nostalgia or home-sickness, or thirst."

"'What we want to do f'r our sojer boys in th' Ph'lipeens besides
killin' thim,' says th' ar-rmy surgeon, 'is make th' place more
homelike,' he says. 'Manny iv our heroes hasn't had th' deleeryum
thremens since we first planted th' stars an' sthripes,' he says, 'an'
th' bay'nits among th' people,' he says. 'I wud be in favor iv havin'
th' rigimints get their feet round wanst a week, at laste,' he says.
'Lave us,' he says, 'reform th' reg'lations,' he says, 'an' insthruct
our sojers to keep their powdher dhry an' their whistles wet,' he says."

"Th' idee ought to take, Hinnissy, f'r th' other doctor la-ad has
discovered that liquor is food. 'A man,' says he, 'can live f'r months
on a little booze taken fr'm time to time,' he says 'They'se a gr-reat
dale iv nourishment in it,' he says. An' I believe him, f'r manny's th'
man I know that don't think iv eatin' whin he can get a dhrink. I
wondher if the time will iver come whin ye'll see a man sneakin' out iv
th' fam'ly enthrance iv a lunch-room hurridly bitin' a clove! People may
get so they'll carry a light dinner iv a pint iv rye down to their
wurruk, an' a man'll tell ye he niver takes more thin a bottle iv beer