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A Thousand and One Afternoons in Chicago by Ben Hecht
page 79 of 301 (26%)
carpets. And what pig likes to sleep on hard wood floors? A pig's a pig.
And what's good for a pig? Aha! a pig pen.

So, your honor, Anton puts him in the bathtub. And he starts down stairs
with a basket and all night long he keeps bringing up basketfuls of dirt
dug up from the alley. Dirt, cinders, more dirt. And he puts it in the
bathtub. And what does the pig do? He squeals, grunts and wants to go
home. He fights to get out of the bathtub. There's such a noise nobody can
sleep. But Anton says, "Nice little pig. I fix you up fine. Nice little
pig."

And so he fills the bathtub up with dirt. Then he turns on the water. And
what does he say? He says, "Now, little pig, we have fine mud for you.
Nice fine mud." Yes, your honor, a whole bathtub full of mud. And when the
pig sees this he gets happy and lies down and goes to sleep. And Anton
sits in the bathroom and looks at the pig all night and says, "See. He's
asleep. It's like home for him."

But the next day Anton must go to work. All right, he'll go to work. But
first, understand everybody, he don't want this pig touched. The pig stays
in the bathtub and he must be there when he comes home.

All right. The pig stays in the bathtub, your honor. Anton wants it.
Tomorrow the pig will be killed and that'll be an end for the pig.

Anton comes home and he goes in the bathroom and he sits and looks at the
pig and complains the mud is dried up and why don't somebody take care of
his pig. His damn pig. He brings up more dirt and makes more mud. And the
pig tries to climb out and throws mud all over the bathroom.

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