crying (it was the first time I had ever cried for any cause not
purely physical), and I tried to think about it. One of the farm-
ploughs came into my range of view just then; and it seemed to help
me as it went on with its two horses up and down the field so
peacefully and quietly.

There was a girl of about my own age in the farm-house family, and
she sat opposite to me at the narrow table at meal-times. It had
come into my mind, at our first dinner, that she might take the
fever from me. The thought had not disquieted me then. I had only
speculated how she would look under the altered circumstances, and
whether she would die. But it came into my mind now, that I might
try to prevent her taking the fever by keeping away from her. I
knew I should have but scrambling board if I did; so much the less
worldly and less devilish the deed would be, I thought.

From that hour, I withdrew myself at early morning into secret
corners of the ruined house, and remained hidden there until she
went to bed. At first, when meals were ready, I used to hear them
calling me; and then my resolution weakened. But I strengthened it
again by going farther off into the ruin, and getting out of
hearing. I often watched for her at the dim windows; and, when I
saw that she was fresh and rosy, felt much happier.

Out of this holding her in my thoughts, to the humanising of
myself, I suppose some childish love arose within me. I felt, in
some sort, dignified by the pride of protecting her, - by the pride
of making the sacrifice for her. As my heart swelled with that new
feeling, it insensibly softened about mother and father. It seemed
to have been frozen before, and now to be thawed. The old ruin and