all, because of the joy I had in being a nun. When they saw me
seeking to be alone, and even weeping over my sins at times, they
thought I was discontented, and said so.

2. All religious observances had an attraction for me, but I
could not endure any which seemed to make me contemptible.
I delighted in being thought well of by others, and was very
exact in everything I had to do. All this I thought was a
virtue, though it will not serve as any excuse for me, because I
knew what it was to procure my own satisfaction in everything,
and so ignorance does not blot out the blame. There may be some
excuse in the fact that the monastery was not founded in great
perfection. I, wicked as I was, followed after that which I saw
was wrong, and neglected that which was good.

3. There was then in the house a nun labouring under a most
grievous and painful disorder, for there were open ulcers in her
body, caused by certain obstructions, through which her food was
rejected. Of this sickness she soon died. All the sisters, I
saw, were afraid of her malady. I envied her patience very much;
I prayed to God that He would give me a like patience; and then,
whatever sickness it might be His pleasure to send, I do not
think I was afraid of any, for I was resolved on gaining eternal
good, and determined to gain it by any and by every means.

4. I am surprised at myself, because then I had not, as I
believe, that love of God which I think I had after I began to
pray. Then, I had only light to see that all things that pass
away are to be lightly esteemed, and that the good things to be
gained by despising them are of great price, because they are for