mortal sin.

8. O my God! I wished for health, that I might serve Thee better;
that was the cause of all my ruin. For when I saw how helpless I
was through paralysis, being still so young, and how the
physicians of this world had dealt with me, I determined to ask
those of heaven to heal me--for I wished, nevertheless, to be
well, though I bore my illness with great joy. Sometimes, too, I
used to think that if I recovered my health, and yet were lost
for ever, I was better as I was. But, for all that, I thought I
might serve God much better if I were well. This is our
delusion; we do not resign ourselves absolutely to the
disposition of our Lord, Who knows best what is for our good.

9. I began by having Masses and prayers said for my
intention--prayers that were highly sanctioned; for I never liked
those other devotions which some people, especially women, make
use of with a ceremoniousness to me intolerable, but which move
them to be devout. I have been given to understand since that
they were unseemly and superstitious; and I took for my patron
and lord the glorious St. Joseph, and recommended myself
earnestly to him. I saw clearly that both out of this my present
trouble, and out of others of greater importance, relating to my
honour and the loss of my soul, this my father and lord delivered
me, and rendered me greater services than I knew how to ask for.
I cannot call to mind that I have ever asked him at any time for
anything which he has not granted; and I am filled with amazement
when I consider the great favours which God hath given me through
this blessed Saint; the dangers from which he hath delivered me,
both of body and of soul. To other Saints, our Lord seems to