be blamed; for with my cunning I so managed matters, that all had
a good opinion of me; and yet I did not seek this deliberately by
simulating devotion; for in all that relates to hypocrisy and
ostentation--glory be to God!--I do not remember that I ever
offended Him, [2] so far as I know. The very first movements
herein gave me such pain, that the devil would depart from me
with loss, and the gain remained with me; and thus, accordingly,
he never tempted me much in this way. Perhaps, however, if God
had permitted Satan to tempt me as sharply herein as he tempted
me in other things, I should have fallen also into this; but His
Majesty has preserved me until now. May He be blessed for
evermore! It was rather a heavy affliction to me that I should
be thought so well of; for I knew my own secret.

3. The reason why they thought I was not so wicked was this: they
saw that I, who was so young, and exposed to so many occasions of
sin, withdrew myself so often into solitude for prayer, read
much, spoke of God, that I liked to have His image painted in
many places, to have an oratory of my own, and furnish it with
objects of devotion, that I spoke ill of no one, and other things
of the same kind in me which have the appearance of virtue. Yet
all the while--I was so vain--I knew how to procure respect for
myself by doing those things which in the world are usually
regarded with respect.

4. In consequence of this, they gave me as much liberty as they
did to the oldest nuns, and even more, and had great confidence
in me; for as to taking any liberty for myself, or doing anything
without leave--such as conversing through the door, or in secret,
or by night--I do not think I could have brought myself to speak