prepare myself for prayer by self-recollection. And certainly
the violence with which Satan assailed me was so irresistible, or
my evil habits were so strong, that I did not betake myself to
prayer; and the sadness I felt on entering the oratory was so
great, that it required all the courage I had to force myself in.
They say of me that my courage is not slight, and it is known
that God has given me a courage beyond that of a woman; but I
have made a bad use of it. In the end, our Lord came to my help;
and then, when I had done this violence to myself, I found
greater peace and joy than I sometimes had when I had a desire
to pray.

11. If, then, our Lord bore so long with me, who was so
wicked--and it is plain that it was by prayer all my evil was
corrected--why should any one, how wicked soever he may be, have
any fear? Let him be ever so wicked, he will not remain in his
wickedness so many years as I did, after receiving so many graces
from our Lord. Is there any one who can despair, when He bore so
long with me, only because I desired and contrived to find some
place and some opportunities for Him to be alone with me--and
that very often against my will? for I did violence to myself, or
rather our Lord Himself did violence to me.

12. If, then, to those who do not serve God, but rather offend
Him, prayer be all this, and so necessary, and if no one can
really find out any harm it can do him, and if the omission of it
be not a still greater harm, why, then, should they abstain from
it who serve and desire to serve God? Certainly I cannot
comprehend it, unless it be that men have a mind to go through
the troubles of this life in greater misery, and to shut the door