rest on--so many enemies then assail us, and our own weakness is
such, that we cannot defend ourselves.

15. Oh, that I knew how to describe the captivity of my soul in
those days! I understood perfectly that I was in captivity, but
I could not understand the nature of it; neither could I entirely
believe that those things which my confessors did not make so
much of were so wrong as I in my soul felt them to be. One of
them--I had gone to him with a scruple--told me that, even if I
were raised to high contemplation, those occasions and
conversations were not unfitting for me. This was towards the
end, when, by the grace of God, I was withdrawing more and more
from those great dangers, but not wholly from the occasions
of them.

16. When they saw my good desires, and how I occupied myself in
prayer, I seemed to them to have done much; but my soul knew that
this was not doing what I was bound to do for Him to Whom I owed
so much. I am sorry for my poor soul even now, because of its
great sufferings, and the little help it had from any one except
God, and for the wide door that man opened for it, that it might
go forth to its pastimes and pleasures, when they said that these
things were lawful.

17. Then there was the torture of sermons, and that not a slight
one; for I was very fond of them. If I heard any one preach well
and with unction, I felt, without my seeking it, a particular
affection for him, neither do I know whence it came. Thus, no
sermon ever seemed to me so bad, but that I listened to it with
pleasure; though, according to others who heard it, the preaching