my tears would not be despised. I did not know what I was
saying; only He did great things for me, in that He was pleased I
should shed those tears, seeing that I so soon forgot that
impression. I used to recommend myself to that glorious Saint,
that she might obtain my pardon.

3. But this last time, before that picture of which I am
speaking, I seem to have made greater progress; for I was now
very distrustful of myself, placing all my confidence in God.
It seems to me that I said to Him then that I would not rise up
till He granted my petition. I do certainly believe that this
was of great service to me, because I have grown better
ever since. [1]

4. This was my method of prayer: as I could not make reflections
with my understanding, I contrived to picture Christ as within
me; [2] and I used to find myself the better for thinking of
those mysteries of His life during which He was most lonely.
It seemed to me that the being alone and afflicted, like a person
in trouble, must needs permit me to come near unto Him.

5. I did many simple things of this kind; and in particular I
used to find myself most at home in the prayer in the Garden,
whither I went in His company. I thought of the bloody sweat,
and of the affliction He endured there; I wished, if it had been
possible, to wipe away that painful sweat from His face; but I
remember that I never dared to form such a resolution--my sins
stood before me so grievously. I used to remain with Him there
as long as my thoughts allowed me, and I had many thoughts to
torment me. For many years, nearly every night before I fell