thinking of aught else. From the day in May when my ill-luck began I could
so clearly notice my gradually increasing debility; I had become, as it
were, too languid to control or lead myself whither I would go. A swarm of
tiny noxious animals had bored a way into my inner man and hollowed me
out.

Supposing God Almighty simply intended to annihilate me? I got up and
paced backwards and forwards before the seat.

My whole being was at this moment in the highest degree of torture, I had
pains in my arms, and could hardly bear to hold them in the usual way. I
experienced also great discomfort from my last full meal; I was oversated,
and walked backwards and forwards without looking up. The people who came
and went around me glided past me like faint gleams. At last my seat was
taken up by two men, who lit cigars and began to talk loudly together. I
got angry and was on the point of addressing them, but turned on my heel
and went right to the other end of the Park, and found another seat. I sat
down.

* * * * *

The thought of God began to occupy me. It seemed to me in the highest
degree indefensible of Him to interfere every time I sought for a place,
and to upset the whole thing, while all the time I was but imploring
enough for a daily meal.

I had remarked so plainly that, whenever I had been hungry for any length
of time, it was just as if my brains ran quite gently out of my head and
left me with a vacuum--my head grew light and far off, I no longer felt
its weight on my shoulders, and I had a consciousness that my eyes stared