find it in my heart to disappoint you. My name, in spite of your
example, I shall keep to myself. My age is not essential to the
narrative. I am descended from my ancestors by ordinary
generation, and from them I inherited the very eligible human
tenement which I still occupy and a fortune of three hundred pounds
a year. I suppose they also handed on to me a hare-brain humour,
which it has been my chief delight to indulge. I received a good
education. I can play the violin nearly well enough to earn money
in the orchestra of a penny gaff, but not quite. The same remark
applies to the flute and the French horn. I learned enough of
whist to lose about a hundred a year at that scientific game. My
acquaintance with French was sufficient to enable me to squander
money in Paris with almost the same facility as in London. In
short, I am a person full of manly accomplishments. I have had
every sort of adventure, including a duel about nothing. Only two
months ago I met a young lady exactly suited to my taste in mind
and body; I found my heart melt; I saw that I had come upon my fate
at last, and was in the way to fall in love. But when I came to
reckon up what remained to me of my capital, I found it amounted to
something less than four hundred pounds! I ask you fairly - can a
man who respects himself fall in love on four hundred pounds? I
concluded, certainly not; left the presence of my charmer, and
slightly accelerating my usual rate of expenditure, came this
morning to my last eighty pounds. This I divided into two equal
parts; forty I reserved for a particular purpose; the remaining
forty I was to dissipate before the night. I have passed a very
entertaining day, and played many farces besides that of the cream
tarts which procured me the advantage of your acquaintance; for I
was determined, as I told you, to bring a foolish career to a still
more foolish conclusion; and when you saw me throw my purse into