So I am going to get rid of Ernest. And I strongly advise you to do
the same with Mr . . . with your invalid friend who has the absurd
name.

Algernon. Nothing will induce me to part with Bunbury, and if you
ever get married, which seems to me extremely problematic, you will
be very glad to know Bunbury. A man who marries without knowing
Bunbury has a very tedious time of it.

Jack. That is nonsense. If I marry a charming girl like Gwendolen,
and she is the only girl I ever saw in my life that I would marry, I
certainly won't want to know Bunbury.

Algernon. Then your wife will. You don't seem to realise, that in
married life three is company and two is none.

Jack. [Sententiously.] That, my dear young friend, is the theory
that the corrupt French Drama has been propounding for the last
fifty years.

Algernon. Yes; and that the happy English home has proved in half
the time.

Jack. For heaven's sake, don't try to be cynical. It's perfectly
easy to be cynical.

Algernon. My dear fellow, it isn't easy to be anything nowadays.
There's such a lot of beastly competition about. [The sound of an
electric bell is heard.] Ah! that must be Aunt Augusta. Only
relatives, or creditors, ever ring in that Wagnerian manner. Now,