Algernon. When I am in trouble, eating is the only thing that
consoles me. Indeed, when I am in really great trouble, as any one
who knows me intimately will tell you, I refuse everything except
food and drink. At the present moment I am eating muffins because I
am unhappy. Besides, I am particularly fond of muffins. [Rising.]

Jack. [Rising.] Well, that is no reason why you should eat them
all in that greedy way. [Takes muffins from Algernon.]

Algernon. [Offering tea-cake.] I wish you would have tea-cake
instead. I don't like tea-cake.

Jack. Good heavens! I suppose a man may eat his own muffins in his
own garden.

Algernon. But you have just said it was perfectly heartless to eat
muffins.

Jack. I said it was perfectly heartless of you, under the
circumstances. That is a very different thing.

Algernon. That may be. But the muffins are the same. [He seizes
the muffin-dish from Jack.]

Jack. Algy, I wish to goodness you would go.

Algernon. You can't possibly ask me to go without having some
dinner. It's absurd. I never go without my dinner. No one ever
does, except vegetarians and people like that. Besides I have just