things do happen."

"But my dear Sir," I burst out, in the rudest manner, "think
what life is--just think what really happens! Why people
suddenly swell up and turn dark purple; they hang themselves on
meat-hooks; they are drowned in horse-ponds, are run over by
butchers' carts, and are burnt alive and cooked like mutton
chops!"




_A Precaution_


The folio gave at length philosophic consolations for all
the ills and misfortunes said by the author to be inseparable
from human existence--Poverty, Shipwreck, Plague, Love-Deceptions,
and Inundations. Against these antique Disasters I armed my soul;
and I thought it as well to prepare myself against another
inevitable ancient calamity called "Cornutation," or by other
less learned names. How Philosophy taught that after all it was
but a pain founded on conceit, a blow that hurt not; the reply
of the Cynic philosopher to one who reproached him, "Is it my
fault or hers?"; how Nevisanus advises the sufferer to ask
himself if he have not offended; Jerome declares it impossible
to prevent; how few or none are safe, and the inhabitants of
some countries, especially parts of Africa, consider it the
usual and natural thing; How Caesar, Pompey, Augustus, Agamemnon,
Menelaus, Marcus Aurelius, and many other great Kings and Princes