shall have a bran new Utopia made on purpose for him, according to his
own ideas, with a good-sized, extra-unpleasant purgatory attached, to
which he can send everybody he does not like. Oh! do not miss this
chance!"

Oh! listen to my philosophy, it is the best and deepest. Oh! hear my
songs, they are the sweetest. Oh! buy my pictures, they alone are
true art. Oh! read my books, they are the finest.

Oh! _I_ am the greatest cheesemonger, _I_ am the greatest soldier, _I_
am the greatest statesman, _I_ am the greatest poet, _I_ am the
greatest showman, _I_ am the greatest mountebank, _I_am the greatest
editor, and _I_ am the greatest patriot. _We_ are the greatest
nation. _We_ are the only good people. _Ours_ is the only true
religion. Bah! how we all yell!

How we all brag and bounce, and beat the drum and shout; and nobody
believes a word we utter; and the people ask one another, saying:

"How can we tell who is the greatest and the cleverest among all these
shrieking braggarts?"

And they answer:

"There is none great or clever. The great and clever men are not
here; there is no place for them in this pandemonium of charlatans and
quacks. The men you see here are crowing cocks. We suppose the
greatest and the best of _them_ are they who crow the loudest and the
longest; that is the only test of _their_ merits."