a safe you never look to see where the comic man is. You are so
careless in that way. On the whole, it might be as well if you
murdered the comic man early in the play.

Don't make love to the hero's wife. She doesn't like you; how can you
expect her to? Besides, it isn't proper. Why don't you get a girl of
your own?

Lastly, don't go down to the scenes of your crimes in the last act.
You always will do this. We suppose it is some extra cheap excursion
down there that attracts you. But take our advice and don't go. That
is always where you get nabbed. The police know your habits from
experience. They do not trouble to look for you. They go down in the
last act to the old hall or the ruined mill where you did the deed and
wait for you.

In nine cases out of ten you would get off scot-free but for this
idiotic custom of yours. Do keep away from the place. Go abroad or
to the sea-side when the last act begins and stop there till it is
over. You will be safe then.



THE HEROINE.

She is always in trouble--and don't she let you know it, too! Her
life is undeniably a hard one. Nothing goes right with her. We all
have our troubles, but the stage heroine never has anything else. If
she only got one afternoon a week off from trouble or had her Sundays
free it would be something.