each hand, would present themselves in the hall. "This," said the
landlord, addressing his guests, "is our fire-bell; it will show you we
are quite safe here; we do everything systematically." This was before
the Croton water was introduced into the city. But they sometimes
carried their system too far. On one occasion, when the hotel was
thronged with guests, one of the waiters was suddenly indisposed, and
although there were fifty waiters in the hotel, the landlord thought he
must have his full complement, or his "system" would be interfered with.
Just before dinner-time, he rushed down stairs and said, "There must be
another waiter, I am one waiter short, what can I do?" He happened to
see "Boots," the Irishman. "Pat," said he, "wash your hands and face;
take that white apron and come into the dining-room in five minutes."
Presently Pat appeared as required, and the proprietor said: "Now Pat,
you must stand behind these two chairs, and wait on the gentlemen who
will occupy them; did you ever act as a waiter?"

"I know all about it, sure, but I never did it."

Like the Irish pilot, on one occasion when the captain, thinking he was
considerably out of his course, asked, "Are you certain you understand
what you are doing?"

Pat replied, "Sure and I knows every rock in the channel."

That moment, "bang" thumped the vessel against a rock.

"Ah! be-jabers, and that is one of 'em," continued the pilot. But to
return to the dining-room. "Pat," said the landlord, "here we do
everything systematically. You must first give the gentlemen each a
plate of soup, and when they finish that, ask them what they will have