word!'... she repeated in a shaking voice, pressing my head to her
bosom.... And I never did speak to any one of it.... That prohibition of
my mother's I understood.... I understood that I must be silent, that my
mother begged my forgiveness!

My unhappiness began from that day. Mr. Ratsch did not love my mother,
and she did not love him. He married her for money, and she was obliged
to submit. Mr. Koltovsky probably considered that in this way everything
had been arranged for the best, _la position etait regularisee_. I
remember the day before the marriage my mother and I--both locked in
each other's arms--wept almost the whole morning--bitterly,
bitterly--and silently. It is not strange that she was silent.... What
could she say to me? But that I did not question her shows that unhappy
children learn wisdom sooner than happy ones... to their cost.

Mr. Koltovsky continued to interest himself in my education, and even by
degrees put me on a more intimate footing. He did not talk to me... but
morning and evening, after flicking the snuff from his jabot with two
fingers, he would with the same two fingers--always icy cold--pat me on
the cheek and give me some sort of dark-coloured sweetmeats, also
smelling of _ambre_, which I never ate. At twelve years old I
became his reader---_sa petite lectrice_. I read him French books
of the last century, the memoirs of Saint Simon, of Mably, Renal,
Helvetius, Voltaire's correspondence, the encyclopedists, of course
without understanding a word, even when, with a smile and a grimace, he
ordered me, 'relire ce dernier paragraphe, qui est bien remarquable!'
Ivan Matveitch was completely a Frenchman. He had lived in Paris till
the Revolution, remembered Marie Antoinette, and had received an
invitation to Trianon to see her. He had also seen Mirabeau, who,
according to his account, wore very large buttons--_exagere en