Ah, it's hard times now! It's time to die!'

Rapid, too, was the change in my position, that is to say in the
position in which I had been placed for a few days against my own
will.... No sort of will was found among Ivan Matveitch's papers, not a
line written for my benefit. At once every one seemed in haste to avoid
me.... I am not speaking of Mr. Ratsch... every one else, too, was angry
with me, and tried to show their anger, as though I had deceived them.

One Sunday after matins, in which he invariably officiated at the altar,
Semyon Matveitch sent for me. Till that day I had seen him by glimpses,
and he seemed not to have noticed me. He received me in his study,
standing at the window. He was wearing an official uniform with two
stars. I stood still, near the door; my heart was beating violently from
fear and from another feeling, vague as yet, but still oppressive. 'I
wish to see you, young lady,' began Semyon Matveitch, glancing first at
my feet, and then suddenly into my eyes. The look was like a slap in the
face. 'I wished to see you to inform you of my decision, and to assure
you of my unhesitating inclination to be of service to you.' He raised
his voice. 'Claims, of course, you have none, but as... my brother's
reader you may always reckon on my... my consideration. I am... of
course convinced of your good sense and of your principles. Mr. Ratsch,
your stepfather, has already received from me the necessary
instructions. To which I must add that your attractive exterior seems to
me a pledge of the excellence of your sentiments.' Semyon Matveitch went
off into a thin chuckle, while I... I was not offended exactly... but I
suddenly felt very sorry for myself... and at that moment I fully
realised how utterly forsaken and alone I was. Semyon Matveitch went
with short, firm steps to the table, took a roll of notes out of the
drawer, and putting it in my hand, he added: 'Here is a small sum from