good opinion of her, and indeed felt for her the most lively affection and
esteem; for observe, with me esteem ever followed affection, instead of
affection following esteem. Woe be to all who in morals preposterously put
the cart before the horse! But to proceed with my history: all fashionable
historians stop to make reflections, supposing that no one else can have
the sense to make any. My _esteemed_ friend agreed with me that it would
be best for all parties concerned to hush up this business; that as
Lawless was going out of town in a few days, to be elected for a borough,
we should get rid of him in the best way possible, without 'more last
words;' that he had been punished sufficiently on the spot, and that to
punish twice for the same offence, once in private and once in public,
would be contrary to the laws of Englishmen and Englishwomen, and in my
case would be contrary to the evident dictates of prudence, because I
could not complain without calling upon Lord Delacour to call Lawless out;
this I could not do without acknowledging that his lordship had been in
the right, in warning me about his _honour and my own_, which old phrase I
dreaded to hear for the ninety-ninth time: besides, Lord Delacour was the
last man in the world I should have chosen for my knight, though unluckily
he was my lord; besides, all things considered, I thought the whole story
might not tell so well in the world for me, tell it which way I would: we
therefore agreed that it would be most expedient to hold our tongues. We
took it for granted that Lawless would hold his, and as for my people,
they knew nothing, I thought, or if they did, I was sure of them. How the
thing got abroad I could not at the time conceive, though now I am well
acquainted with the baseness and treachery of the woman I called my
friend. The affair was known and talked of every where the next day, and
the story was told especially at odious Mrs. Luttridge's, with such
exaggerations as drove me almost mad. I was enraged, inconceivably enraged
with Lawless, from whom I imagined the reports originated.