complain; for I much mistake if he has been accustomed to refusal; or
if he can scarcely think, when he deigns to sue, denial possible.

I find myself every day determining to put an end to this suspense, and
every day delaying. The impulse however is too great to be long
resisted; and my excuse to myself continually is that I have not yet
found the proper moment.

If, Oliver, this history of my heart be troublesome to thee, it is thy
duty to tell me so. But indeed thou tellest me the contrary; and I
know not why at this instant I should do thee the injustice to doubt
thy sincerity. Forgive me. It is a friendly fear, and not intended to
do thee wrong. But I wish thee to judge of me and my actions; and even
to let thy father judge, if thou shouldest at any time hesitate, and
fear I am committing error. Do this, and continue thy usual kindness in
communicating thy thoughts.

F. HENLEY


P.S. The day after tomorrow, we are to set off for the Chateau de
Villebrun; on a party of pleasure, as it is called. Thus men run from
place to place, without knowing of what they are in search. They feel
vacuity; a want of something to make them happy; but what that
something is they have not yet discovered.




LETTER XXXV