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Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 03, April 16, 1870 by Various
page 59 of 78 (75%)
Mr. DRAKE, who has been studying elocution under a graduate of the Old
Bowery, and has acquired a most tragic croak, which, with a little rouge
and burnt cork, and haggard hair, gives him a truly awful aspect, remarked
that the soil of the South was clotted with blood by fiends in human shape,
(sensation in the diplomatic gallery.) The metaphor might be meaningless;
but it struck him it was strong. These fiends were doubly protected by
midnight and the mask. In his own State the Ku-Klux ranged together with
the fierce whang-doodle. His own life had been threatened. (Faint
applause.) He had received an express package marked in large letters,
"D.H." The President of the United States, an expert in express packages,
had told him this meant "Dead Head." Was this right? Hah! Bellud!! Gore was
henceforth his little game. He would die in his seat. (Great cheering,
which rendered the remainder of the senator's remarks inaudible.)

The case of the admission of General AMES as a senator from Mississippi
came up. Senator CONKLING said that he had no objection to AMES in
particular; but in Brigadier-General, he considered the principle of
letting in men who elected themselves to be bad. Notoriously, General AMES
did not live in Mississippi. He considered this rather creditable to
General AMES'S good sense than otherwise. But did it not operate as a
trivial disqualification against his coming here to represent Mississippi?
Besides, if generals were allowed to elect themselves, where would it end?
General AUGUR, he believed, commanded the Indian district. He would send
himself to the Senate from that region, and be howling about the Piegan
massacre and such outrages upon his constituents, with which the Senate had
been sickened already. In that case AUGUR, he grieved to say, would be a
Bore. Then there is CANBY, who commands in Virginia. CANBY would like to be
a senator, no doubt, like other people who never tried it; and he will be
if he CANBY. A distinguished friend of his in the other house, whom it
would be detrimental to the public service for him to name, if this
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