he stopped.

'And is she very much upset?' he asked me, pulling his cap over his
eyes.

'Very, very much!...'

'Poor thing! Console her, Nikolai; you love her, you know.'

'Yes, I have grown fond of her, certainly....'

'You love her,' repeated Kolosov, and he looked me straight in the
face. I turned away without a word, and we separated.

On reaching home, I was in a perfect fever.

'I have done my duty,' I thought; 'I have overcome my own egoism; I
have urged Andrei to go back to Varia!... Now I am in the right; he
that will not when he may...!' At the same time Andrei's indifference
wounded me. He had not been jealous of me, he told me to console
her.... But is Varia such an ordinary girl, is she not even worthy of
sympathy?... There are people who know how to appreciate what you
despise, Andrei Nikolaitch!... But what's the good? She does not love
me.... No, she does not love me now, while she has not quite lost hope
of Kolosov's return.... But afterwards...who knows, my devotion will
touch her. I will make no claims.... I will give myself up to her
wholly, irrevocably.... Varia! is it possible you will not love
me?...never!...never!...

Such were the speeches your humble servant was rehearsing in the city