ACT I. _Curtain rises upon a_ RECRUITING SERGEANT _singing an
unintelligible song to an admiring group of recruits, consisting of six
girls with commendable ankles, and several supes of average
awkwardness. The song ended the recruits retire, and the_ SERGEANT _sits
down to drink with_ ROBERT ARNOLD, _a virtuous locksmith. Enter_ SILAS
GARRETT.

SILAS. "I will pretend to be drunk. There is no reason why I should, but
still it's a good bit of business." _Staggers and falls on_ ARNOLD.

ARNOLD. "Wretched being! He deserves nothing, and I will therefore give
him my last half-crown. Now, SERGEANT, I will enlist. Let us go and sing
more unintelligible songs." _They go. Enter_ MRS. ARMITAGE.

MRS. ARMITAGE. "I am starving. My child has eaten nothing for years. Oh,
sir, give me something!"

SILAS. "Not I. Go and work. Don't touch me; you look as if you had been
riding in a street car." _Rushes away as though pursued by the wicked
flea_.

MRS. ARMITAGE. "There is no hope. I will die." _Dies_.

_Enter_ ARNOLD. "Hallo. Do I see a woman? What is the matter, my
exhausted friend? Please come to life again!" (_She comes to life_.)

MRS. ARMITAGE. "Neither my child nor I have tasted food for vast and
incalculable periods. Help me."

ARNOLD. "I will." (_Helps her home, and rushes out to beg. He