Uncle Josh at Delmonico's

I USED to hear the summer boarders tell
a whole lot about a place here in New York
kept by Mr. Delmonico. Thar's
bin about ten thousand summer
boarders down to Punkin Centre
one time and another, and I guess I've
carried the bundles and stood the grumblin'
from about all of them; and when anyone of
'em would find fault with anythin' I used to
ast him whar he boarded at in New York,
and they all told me at Mr. Delmonico's; so
I'd cum to the conclusion that Mr. Delmonico
must hav a right smart purty good sized
tavern; and I sed to mother--now mother,
when I git down to New York that's whar
I'm goin' to board, at Mr. Delmonico's.

Wall, I got a feller to show me whar it
wuz, and when I got on the inside I don't
s'pose I wuz ever more sot back in all my
life; guess you could have knocked my eyes
off with a club; they stuck out like bumps
on a log. Wall sir, they had flowers and
birds everywhere, and trees a settin' in wash
tubs, didn't look to me as though they would